Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
