Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
