i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
