Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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