i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
