today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
