My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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