Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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