Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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