mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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