HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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