Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
pray to the hookup gods
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize