Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
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