btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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