Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
