they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
