Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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