I just made out with a guy for $7.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
