You work out of a Hotel?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
