Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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