I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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