It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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