i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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