I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
