Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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