i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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