no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
