i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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