3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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