My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize