Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
