He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
