Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
