Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
