We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
