i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
