dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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