dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He kissed a someone with a penis
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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