All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
