Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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