Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
