my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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