This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
