now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
