I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
