remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
