tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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