she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
