Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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