this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
