The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
