I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
