Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
