I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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