last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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