i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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