we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
