The maid of honor just puked.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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