you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
