I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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