You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
