i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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