Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
