I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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