I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
