JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
