i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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