Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
did i walk over a car last night?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
