she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
