smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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