It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
