You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
