I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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