Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
